I hardly ever go out. It's not by force that I don't, it's just that I have ths notion that if I have to go out somewhere, I have to trouble someone to come with me; and I hate causing other people discomfort. Also there's the fact that I have to spend money (I admit this makes me look like a cheap-o but I'm not, seriously. I just don't like spending my parent's hard earned money). But then, there's another side to the story, something that I just won't admit but have to sometime. I like being alone, but crave friendship, a paradox I haven't been able to neither understand nor resolve. Everytime I go out anywhere, I feel like I'm doing something wrong and want to just rush back in. But once I'm among friends, the feeling disappears. When it's time to leave, I feel this sense of loss and get depressed for about 3 hrs before I get back to normal. I question why I feel this way, but no answers yet. Why does leaving people affect me worse than others? Is it something wrong with me? Or is it normal? I just don't know. All I do know is, everytime I leave the house, I know whats in store for me; and hence I fear going out.
