Mature....ish

A few days ago, my cousin asked me something that sort of struck a nerve. “You’ve become more… human now, more subdued. How did you go from being that spunky kid who wouldn’t shut up to somebody….mature-ish?” (She finds it hard to give compliments)

Honestly, I don’t know. It just happened one day I guess. Like someone flipped a switch in my head. Last year, my friend said I’d become cynical about life. This was about the same time almost everyone I know started telling me I had become quiet…or at least quieter that before. Things happened. I got into college. Found out how hurtful back-biting could be. Found out how cruel the world can be to someone as naive as me who believed the best in everyone. I guess me becoming quiet and subdued was a defense mechanism to all that happened. There are other reasons that I know are part of this but those are things I keep to myself. Things in my past that will stay there.

One of my seniors, my classmate’s boyfriend, asked on the last day of the exams, “How’s your new life?” He was referring to life post my best friend’s relationship. Honestly (again), I don’t know. Things are almost the same and there’s still a void that has to be filled. I can only do so much to fill it, even if my heart aches when I think about my friend.

But life moves on. We face new challenges everyday and we struggle against them, trying to make a place where we can be happy. I’m just one of the many people in the crowd doing that. There are worse things people have to deal with on a daily basis so I just put my head down and thank my life for being what it is. But somewhere, I’m sure I’ll find that spunky kid again. Somewhere, I’ll find a place to be happy…